Ion Farmer VS UK Law Enforcement Board

This one comes from my man in PGH, Lenny Vlassic. It references Ubama whoever the hell that is. Nice.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Personal message:
Date: Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:46:51 +0100
From: British law Enforcement britishlawenforcement2@liveinternet.ru

*/Personal message:/*

*/To The Attention Of Beneficiary,/*

*/The Board of federal law enforcement board UNITED KINGDOM in collaboration with the American president (Barrack Ubama) are hereby to notify you of your payment inheritance funds of (One hundred and twenty thousand pounds) 120,000 pounds after the meeting held on 13th of March 2009 in washington DC. His Excellence (Barrack Ubama) make it clear in the meeting that he will do every possible best to iradicate number of scammers in the world and for more details you can view the Website of madoff the great american scammer that was court.
/*
*//s/ap/20090312/ap_on_bi_ge/madoff_scandal /*

*/However you are advice to contact British foreign remittance office UK for the transfer of your fund and also indicate this code when contacting them (BN7412QS) /*

*/Contact/*

*/Attn Mr Fred Anderson
Foreign remittance Department
London Branch
Email: remforeign@aol.com

*/Make sure you indicate the code giving to you and send your full information to them for a faster response./*

*/Beneficiarey name---------------------
Your Address:---------------------------
Home telephone:---------------------
Office telephone:---------------------
Your picture:------------------------------
Identification card--------------
For further procedure Contact our payment officer with the information above./*

*/Note you should stop any conversation you have with any other person or company at the moment because number of fraud are too much and we are doing our best to stop it and don't share this with any other person except you as the beneficiary./*

*/Regards
Law enforcement Board/*

from US Law Enforcement Board (us.law.enforcement.board@gmail.com)
to remforeign@aol.com,
britishlawenforcement2@liveinternet.ru
date Fri, Mar 20, 2009 at 12:51 PM
subject Excise Case Number: 5318008/26-B

Excise Case Number: 5318008/26-B
Dear UK Law Enforcement Board:

This is the Law Enforcement Board of the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT (E Pluribus Unum). As you are well aware via our monthly NATO publication, due to the excessive bailout out crisis we have been authorised to apply a confidential one time only bail-out tax of $1500.00 to all foreign government agencies operating within our borders, due immediately.

This one time excise can be processed immediately and can be carried forward via standard financial instruments and delivered via all standard services to:

Foreign Excise Processing Center
358 Dory Road
Gloucester, MA 01920

This is a reminder that this debt is required to be rendered imediately and without question. A debate with the International Fair Trade and Services board has resulted that this tax be aplied to e-commerce as well and in this specific case it has been decided upon that this tax should be applied on an e-mail by e-mail basis in this case.

remforeign@aol.com: $1500.00 USD
britishlawenforcement2@liveinternet.ru: $1500.00 USD
UK Excise tax: $1500.00 USD
British and .ru domain cold-war temporal tax: $1500.00 USD

Grand Total $6000.00 USD
10% Processing Fee $6600.00 USD
6.5% VAT $7029.00 USD

Amount Due: $7029.00 USD

Regards,

Ophelia Cox
Clerk 26-B
US Law Enforcement Board

5 - Submarine Hate Poetry: My Statement

My Statement

I could not tell you where or when or how the hell what I have been bound to by contract was created. In a life of despair and self-hatred, it isn’t uncommon to miss the details. The process of assembling this edifice of self flagellation is shrouded in a rich varnish of mystery, but I have my own speculations on its origins. The ship was forged under the direction of unholy passions and dark spirits. It is not obvious, this feeling, this preternatural knowledge. Not like the visible change of men’s personalities when they arrive here. That is one of the hints. The other hints come one by one. They must be carefully lured, like the squirrels old men feed in the park. No one knows why, but the truth and men distrust one another -- probably because they are so unfamiliar. To find the hints, one must be alone. Truly alone and beyond the strict influence of others. One must be in a dim place. That is not hard, there are many dim places around this ship. The sailing roster is full of dim places. When you find the location and the right time, it comes. It drips up from the cold, gritty deck plates, ropy sticky wisps of putrid incense. It is the souls of a thousand men they have senselessly sacrificed on this vessel. Sacrificed simply because a higher position allowed it. Because they could. Not even the dignity to name a god for whom the sacrifice took place. If you patiently wait in your time of understanding, those thousand men will whisper the name. It starts slow and deliberate, like a sleeping lover's breath. In the background, behind the action, you can hear the ship’s heart beat. Fans and pumps, whirring and turning, like an atheist’s prayer wheel. Moving and going no where. Electric symbols of Hell. Of life. In time, if you can withstand the agony and empathy you endure in your heart, the men’s voices will swirl into the Monsoon, into the Sierra, into the Nor’easter, into the wind-walking demon, Ithiqua itself. The name of this god comes from their mouths, an invader riding proudly, his horse over the corpses. “Career,” they howl. It haunts you in your private apocalypse. As you bond to the cold metal framing, abhorred and transfixed, revelations occur. The reactor is fuels by souls. This is not fantasy or speculation. This is fact. A “pipeline” has been established to ensure the nuclear reactor is always provided with fresh souls. When the new ones come you can physically differentiate the unbalance between those who come, and those who are here. The unblemished have too much soul. They don’t know it, but their soul panics as if a bird in a cat stalked cage. Light and feathered, it beats about the bars on the inside until it is dead and featherless. On the outside, the prey vainly attempts to motivate others around himself. The words pour like piss on a flat rock, with just as much meaning. Soon, with dark eyes and knotted hair, this parasitic host makes his duly appointed rounds mumbling, ”I don’t give a fuck.” When men get on the outside, out of the reactor's sphere of influence, they come back to life. They live. The bird, beaten and featherless, grows back its plumage and starts to sing. That is how you know it is a fact. You can know it to be true by this: When a hatch is opened, and a spear of sunlight stabs the engineroom in the heart, dusty oil suspended in air drips off the shaft of light. The men stir with slavering animal hunger for the outside. For the air. For the light. A vain attempt to temporarily regain their feathers. What those above you tell you and what the heart perceives are very different. I have been told that the reactor is filled with uranium. Do you know what uranium is? It is a word for the culmination of all the old gods. Of Loki and Quetzacoatl. Of Satan and Santa Claus. Of Zeus, Hera and Cookie Monster. All trapped inside, feeding on your soul. Uranium. A nether-place. Ubiquitous and unmentionable. The spiritual blackmail and ritual that must have gone on, to get them in there. Packed tight, like genie slum-housing. Hyman G. Rickover: Slumlord. An overtone from Uranium that comes out in the way crew’s berthing is designed, the way we live. So much influence in that lead shrouded sarcophagus. Uranium: The place where old gods go. In their image, we were created. Sacrifice. Contrition. Penance. Base genuflection. Prostration. All feeble attempts at immortality. At pleasing the irrational. Quite some futile passion, creating hope beyond reason.

That is all I know about the current ship's casualty

4 - Submarine Hate Poetry: Mission

Mission

Don't dismiss the Anger
That has come
As the uninvited guest,
Anger is here with purpose and meaning
To transform and purify
Let this heat fuse
Interstitchal changes in your soul
Tempering your determination.
Quench the shaping fire
With the resolution of change
Harder. Stronger. Sharper.
Truer than before.
And when your ship is sailing
Steaming ahead on the twin engines of Anger and Purpose
Let all else break upon the brow of your will
Forging you further
On this chart
Of destiny.

3 - Submarine Hate Poetry: Vane

Vane

When I sit and reason
I find my love belongs to her
And will not be separated.
It is as the immutable rhythm
That slyly sifts through the evening grasses,
And drives coal black cricket chirp.
The accusatory moon in the night:
A doorknob,
So the careless won’t wander
In starry space too long.
A decrepit cast iron weathercock.
Silhouette on gray farmhouse
Squeakily pointing the direction
From which the rust comes.

2 - Submarine Hate Poetry: Scorpio Rising

On the island of Crete there is a bar by the name of Scorpio. This is located in an ancient harbor and of all the sailor bars in this mythical town, this one found a particularly solid place at the bottom of the list. This place had obscure European 70's classic rock blaring uncomfortably in a tinny manner, the musk of thousand of years of urine soaked into the stone floor, a rich patina of yellow tobacco smoke stickily lining the walls and horizontal surfaces, and a bevy of international young women to serve drinks as the owner held their work visa and passports whilst lowering their agreed upon wages. It was like a sailor's dream come to life!

Scorpio Rising

Dingy, yellow light
Confines us.
Preventing
the resolution of detail.
Money and
Emblems and
Identification and
Credit cards
Juxtaposed on the walls
like evidence of explosion.
An edifice to who we were.
Who we are.
In the dark recesses,
Tears cower
Held back by a dam of pride.
Some squeaky speaker
Parrots popular music
masking true emotion
Over and over.
Upstairs,
Next to the broken shitter,
I left my pride.

1 - Submarine Hate Poetry: An Introduction

I have a confession: I count number the days that I spent on board a United States Los Angeles Class Submarine as the most baleful existence I could imagine (that is until the United States invented Camp X-Ray, Abu Grahib, and the non-combatant classification, which I can only guess from stories, is a category only slightly below non-human, seeing how these guys seem to miss out on basic animal rights. I support free-range prisoners, foreign and domestic. Apparently we just can't have too many prisoners in this country. I believe US Government should practice free range to achieve a humane certification, to reduce feed costs, to improve the happiness and liveliness of their animals prisoners, to produce a higher-quality institutional product, and improve breeding-yield so that a new generation of higher quality prisoners would always be available, reducing the dependence on foreign nations for non-combatant raids).

Don't get me wrong, this experience prepared me to deal with many miserable situations and gave me a technical skill set that I confidently use on a day to day basis, and there is little that can compare with that vital training. This training has opened opportunities for me and I am thankful for that. This experience also gave me the opportunity to make myself a volunteer, experience something that people try to imagine, get to practice a clandestine lifestyle, disappear off the face of the earth for months at a time, face bill collectors when I got back home, and stand up for the country that I loved.

But on a truly spiritual and emotional level this existence was barren for me. I often searched philosophically for purpose and meaning in what I was doing, beyond the standard rational of deterrence. I wanted something more. I needed something more and continually came up empty. I believe that the problem became the arbitrary politics of the boat itself, circling in an area beyond my influence.

I penned a hate haiku. It was December 1996 I had been trapped in a submarine for 6 months and was steaming home, my ex-wife had started her affair (that she didn't know that I had known about for months just by the tone in her voice) and I was completely frustrated with being on this submarine and how it was dictating my life. I wrote a standard 5-7-5 haiku, seething with hate:

December

Ball peen hammer hits.
Teeth head south like winter geese.
Better than Christmas.

I'm not even sure if it was directed at anyone as much as a catharsis by imagining a violent action, finding a moment of insight and tagging it with a shocker. I don't know if that description makes sense, but that's how I thought of it. Anyway that horrible poem made me feel better by venting it on paper and I decided that I would explore the concept of "Hate Poetry" as it applied to my day to day experiences at that time.

When I look back at these I realized how unhinged they seem and actually that was the style I was trying to emulate. I firmly believe that you have to be a little unhinged to serve effectively on a submarine, not dangerously, but you have to have the ability to let little things slide and address big things immediately and effectively. In writing for my submarine audience I wanted to see how loose I could get.

I've made a decision to post a few on this blog. They typically are an attempt to capture an emotion during specific events or activities, and some break down into stream of conscientiousness writing and I hope they are not too much to read. "Enjoy" is not the proper introduction for these smoldering gems, so here they are. They are what they are.

Ion Farmer VS iPowerweb: The Thrilla via Mozilla

Jennifer Dwyer: Hi Ion Farmer. My name is Jennifer, how are you today?

Ion Farmer: HI, Jennifer, I'm good. My domain www.freedomalleystudios.com is down. I cannot load it from my browser, but I can log into the administration site via the administrtative homepage.

Jennifer Dwyer: Okay.

Jennifer Dwyer: I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you.

Jennifer Dwyer: While I reviewing your account, I have noticed that you have not set the Security Question of your account. In order to set the Security Question of your account, please follow the steps given below:

Ion Farmer: Okay

Jennifer Dwyer: 1. Log into the Control Panel http://www.someserverhost.com/controlpanel/index.bml with username and password.

Jennifer Dwyer: 2. Click on 'Set Security Question' link under ‘Account Information’ section.

Jennifer Dwyer: 3. Click on the radio button 'New Profile'.

Jennifer Dwyer: 4. Enter the First Name, Last Name, and set the Security Question and the Security Answer.

Jennifer Dwyer: 5. Click on the 'Save' button.

Ion Farmer: Okay

Jennifer Dwyer: Are you able to set the Security Question?

Ion Farmer: Yes

Jennifer Dwyer: To protect your account from unauthorized changes, can you please verify for me the answer to the Security Question:

Jennifer Dwyer: What is the name of your pet?

Ion Farmer: Herbert.

Jennifer Dwyer: Thank you for the authentication.

Ion Farmer: No, thank you! I feel more secure already! I haven't felt this secure with the whole internet thing in years! I mean, at first, I was wary that Internet interactions would be subject to unethical activity due to the vail of anonymity, but that ends today! I don't think anyone would be able to untangle this Gordian knot of high-tech security!! Can we go over this, just one more time, how this, exactly, is protecting my account from unauthorized changes? I mean really, you have no idea who I am. I guess I could send you a image of a drivers license -er, I mean, my drivers license.

Ion Farmer: Hello?

Ion Farmer: What's the name of your pet?

Chat Information: Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

Ion Farmer VS. Ocean State Electronics

from ionfarmer
to ose@oselectronics.com
date Thu, Mar 5, 2009 at 12:08 PM
subject 2/19/2008 Order Status: 1235056853

Dear OSE Customer Service:

I am writing in regards to an order that was places 2/19/2008. The order number is 1235056853

I still have not received this shipment and understand that you are running a few days behind at the time the order was placed, but I surely thought that my order would have arrived by now. I have used Ocean State Electronics in the past as a source of needed parts for my projects, but I now question weather this relationship will continue. I made a similar order for parts using Parts-Express.com and have had them installed and waiting for their companion parts for nearly 2 weeks.

I tried to call for an order status and was, on many occasions, unable to get through with the number provided on your website. I am assuming I am not the only customer requesting a status update.

Could you please give me an estimate of when I could expect my parts to arrive or if they have even shipped yet?

Thank you in advance for you time,

Ionfarmer

to ionfarmer
from Ocean State Electronics
date Fri, Mar 6, 2009 at 10:56 AM
subject RE: 2/19/2008 Order Status: 1235056853

Sir, although you received a confirmation, we never received an order here for you at OSE. Sometimes, orders slip through the cracks with these electronic systems. If you re-submit your order, we will make sure all items are in stock and ship without delay. We apologize for the inconvenience.

from Ionfarmer
to Ocean State Electronics
date Fri, Mar 6, 2009 at 11:40 AM
subject Re: 2/19/2008 Order Status: 1235056853

Dear OSE Customer Service:

Thank you for your timely and witty response! I am still holding my belly from the whole "sometimes, orders slip through the cracks with these electronic systems" thing.

Ahh, good stuff!

Seriously, I am starting to think that my imagined image of the state of this company didn't do it justice! So, not only have I been waiting on the parts I ordered for this project for over 2 weeks, I am to understand that your on line ordering and confirmation system doesn't even function?

This has been an terrible experience and in all honesty I tried to call to cancel my order with your company yesterday, but was unable to get through because of your phone center's constant busy signal, which was infuriating and frustrating, as well. Although, I have to admit, tactically it is a good system, I mean customers can't cancel poorly handled orders if there is no way to make contact. I like this whole philosophy of "If we don't answer the phone maybe the customers will stop calling." Having some customer service experience myself, I know how aggravating it can be to diagnose and correct customer problems. I honestly hadn't thought of trying this solution to that particular problem.

I am sorry that the best this company can do is have me resubmit my order.

One question: If I were to decide to reorder with this company do to some unacknowledged brain trauma I may have suffered between my original order and now, how exactly would I do that? I am curious because I tried to do that in the normal manner and received a confirmation, and a confirmation number, but, I mean, what is the process after I receive the confirmation? Is there an e-mail or phone number I could call to verify my confirmation? I don't mean to be obtuse, but I'm not sure we are talking about the same thing when we say confirmation. I thought that when one spoke of confirmation they spoke of it in terms of additional proof that something that was believed is true or perhaps information that confirms or verifies. So really, as that as the basis of my belief about confirmation, I salute you sir! Your company has invented an electronic system that coldly and deliberately lies to your customers. Is there nothing that a company won't automate? Is no human job secure? I didn't really realized how convoluted this process could become. Who exactly verifies the confirmation?

So, if the net sum of two weeks of anticipation that today would be the day that I finish what may very well be the greatest contribution ever made to mankind, is that I have to reorder my parts, why wouldn't I choose a company that could supply me the part right the first time and in a timely manner?

Onward and Upward,

Ionfarmer

=================
UPDATE
=================

to ionfarmer
from Ocean State Electronics
date Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 11:43 AM
subject RE: 2/19/2008 Order Status: 1235056853

Sir,

If we had received your order here at OSE, it would have shipped out the day you submitted it because it was for a measley $26.00, and all the items are in stock. Was your credit card charged? No, and we do not even have your information on our system because as we stated in our previous email, your order was never received. Clearly we did not receive the order, because you were never charged. We are happy to no longer do business with you.


At this point, ose@oseelectronics has blocked my e-mail account and unfortunately my e-mail bounced back. So I had to resend it message with a hastily slapped together email account with a "2" added at the end of the username.

from ionfarmer2
to ose@oselectronics.com
date Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 12:08 PM
subject 2/19/2008 Order Status: 1235056853

Dear Customer Service:

Apparently there is something wrong with my e-mail provider, so I am resending this message with an awkward and unintentional delay via my secondary account. Please forgive my tardiness, I have copied my original message below:

Excellent and insulting -- a double score for you my pointy-headed little friend!!

I can see that my imagined state of this company does not do justice to its dire and desperate reality. I am sorry that my purchase order was for a "measley" [sic] $26.00 and am sure that this transaction would have gone much more smoothly if only the order have been on the order of hundreds or thousands of dollars. But even those type of totals would probably still be lost in the sprawling corporate landscape that is Ocean State Electronics. It is important to me to know that customer service comes first at Ocean State Electronics.

You know, there are codes of conduct in this world. One of them is that if you want to end a relationship with someone you supposedly care about, like your customer, you deal with them honestly and personally. You don't write them an insulting letter mocking their paltry order amount! But of course, that's what you did with me, and I'm not real happy about it.

What would have been so hard about writing to me as a human being and just letting me know what you were thinking? Or that there was something that OSE could do to make the situation better? Would it have made you uncomfortable? Well, think of how what you did made me feel! I'm glad of one thing, though: I found out now what kind of person you really are, before I made a really terrible mistake and forgave this oversight and make things right or something!

I hope that no one ever treats you with as much callousness and cruelty as you did me.

To set the record straight, it is not you with whom I am no longer doing business, it it's your new-fangled "electronic system" that apparently and randomly re-routes online orders.

I'm am sorry that we are ending this relationship this way. I thought that we could be friends.

:(

As a human being, and by the tone of your letter, I am worried about your delicate condition. It is apparent that working at Ocean State Electronics has not been good for you on a personal level and I would like to suggest taking up Yoga or Tai Chi for some stress management help. I hope that you can get through this break up all right and won't "bring the job home". I on the other-hand am doing exceptionally well. I just ran into one of your cute electronic parts supply friends online and I think I have a shot with her. I haven't said this since high school, but I think I'm going to get lucky!

Excellence in All Things,

Ionfarmer