Ion Farmer VS Tome-Logo and the Ivory Coast
I'm starting to wonder about the professionalism and dedication to their ideology that these solicitors possess. Today, I received yet a third letter, from another Barrister in Tome, Logo. These guys should form a partnership. I still haven't received a response from Mrs. Nadia Guei and Barrister Charles Ottis has stopped writing me. Here's what I got today:
Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:14:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "BARR_KAFI akuoma" barrister_kafi_akuoma1966@yahoo.com
Subject: GET BACK TO ME
FROM THE CHAMBER OF.
BARRISTER KAFI AKUOMA.
OFFICE 42 RUE DU BULLEVERD-LOME TOGO.
WEST-AFRICA.
Dear Danito McLachenstein,
I am Barrister Kafi Akuoma. , the Personal Attorney to a Foreign Contractor, who worked with a Multinational Oil Firm here in Lome-Togo republic .
On the 31st Oct. 2003 , my client, a national of your country , late Engr. B. J.McLachenstein, an oil Merchant / Contractor with the Federal Government of Togo , until his death few years ago, He died along with his entire family of a wife and two children in a ghastly Motor accident.
Since then I have made several inquiries to Several Embassies to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved nsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, That is why I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of his family but of no avail, hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist me in repatriating the money left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Bank where this huge deposits were lodged.
Particularly, the Bank where the deceased had an account valued at about US$10.5 Million has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin,relatives so that the fund left will be transferred or have the account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the the relatives for over over 2 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$10.5 Million can be paid to you and then you and I can share this money.
All I require is your honest and co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. I will want you to send to me on your return email the following information for the transfer in your favour.
1, YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS .
2, OCCUPATION AND POSITION .
3, DATE OF BIRTH .
4, PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER .
I await your kind response, Good day and God bless.
Regards,
Barrister Kafi Akuoma. (Esq.)
Now this is getting a little ridiculous. All i want is to help these guys out, but whoever is responsible must have a small attention span. I must mention that the only email sitting in this particular account has only come from these addresses over the past week. If they want my account information, all they have to do is ask.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an Tome, Logo customer since 23th September 2005, when I responded to your e-mail (electronic message) requesting financial mediation. During this five-day period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking vendor-coffee on the toilet in your office:
My initial correspondance was terminated without warning, resulting in placing a call to your personal number, and my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your email (electronic message) to arrive. When it did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The another email (electronic message) From Barrister Kafi, from Tome, Logo then came some four days later, although the sender did forget a number of vital details - such as a connection to the original letter, a different place of origin, his cerebrum, and the fact that I was in negotions with both Barrister Ottis Charles (from Tome, Logo) and Mrs. Nadia Guei (whose assets were in storage, in the most affluent place on Earth, Tome, Logo). One day later, my initial propasal had not been responded to. After 15 telephone calls over 4 days (are you sure you gave me the right number?)... I began to wonder is your were serious about making this perfectly legal transaction.
I have made 9 additional calls on my mobile to your no-help line, to contact you personally. And have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled testicle jugglers.
I have been informed the Barrister is available (and someone will call me back); that no Barrister is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a Barrister is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought credit card scammers were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose Barristers Charles, Kafi and former Ivory Coast First Lady Guei, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
Credit card scammers - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to contact me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.
I have also mailed you copies of this letter to the addreses you have provided. I enclosed two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of mailing, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards Lome, Togo, and its worthless population.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
With Warmest Regards,
Danito McLachenstein
CEO Freedom Alley Studios
Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:14:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "BARR_KAFI akuoma" barrister_kafi_akuoma1966@yahoo.com
Subject: GET BACK TO ME
FROM THE CHAMBER OF.
BARRISTER KAFI AKUOMA.
OFFICE 42 RUE DU BULLEVERD-LOME TOGO.
WEST-AFRICA.
Dear Danito McLachenstein,
I am Barrister Kafi Akuoma. , the Personal Attorney to a Foreign Contractor, who worked with a Multinational Oil Firm here in Lome-Togo republic .
On the 31st Oct. 2003 , my client, a national of your country , late Engr. B. J.McLachenstein, an oil Merchant / Contractor with the Federal Government of Togo , until his death few years ago, He died along with his entire family of a wife and two children in a ghastly Motor accident.
Since then I have made several inquiries to Several Embassies to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved nsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, That is why I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet, to locate any member of his family but of no avail, hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist me in repatriating the money left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Bank where this huge deposits were lodged.
Particularly, the Bank where the deceased had an account valued at about US$10.5 Million has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin,relatives so that the fund left will be transferred or have the account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the the relatives for over over 2 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$10.5 Million can be paid to you and then you and I can share this money.
All I require is your honest and co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. I will want you to send to me on your return email the following information for the transfer in your favour.
1, YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS .
2, OCCUPATION AND POSITION .
3, DATE OF BIRTH .
4, PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER .
I await your kind response, Good day and God bless.
Regards,
Barrister Kafi Akuoma. (Esq.)
Now this is getting a little ridiculous. All i want is to help these guys out, but whoever is responsible must have a small attention span. I must mention that the only email sitting in this particular account has only come from these addresses over the past week. If they want my account information, all they have to do is ask.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an Tome, Logo customer since 23th September 2005, when I responded to your e-mail (electronic message) requesting financial mediation. During this five-day period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking vendor-coffee on the toilet in your office:
My initial correspondance was terminated without warning, resulting in placing a call to your personal number, and my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your email (electronic message) to arrive. When it did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The another email (electronic message) From Barrister Kafi, from Tome, Logo then came some four days later, although the sender did forget a number of vital details - such as a connection to the original letter, a different place of origin, his cerebrum, and the fact that I was in negotions with both Barrister Ottis Charles (from Tome, Logo) and Mrs. Nadia Guei (whose assets were in storage, in the most affluent place on Earth, Tome, Logo). One day later, my initial propasal had not been responded to. After 15 telephone calls over 4 days (are you sure you gave me the right number?)... I began to wonder is your were serious about making this perfectly legal transaction.
I have made 9 additional calls on my mobile to your no-help line, to contact you personally. And have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled testicle jugglers.
I have been informed the Barrister is available (and someone will call me back); that no Barrister is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a Barrister is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought credit card scammers were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose Barristers Charles, Kafi and former Ivory Coast First Lady Guei, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
Credit card scammers - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to contact me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.
I have also mailed you copies of this letter to the addreses you have provided. I enclosed two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of mailing, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards Lome, Togo, and its worthless population.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
With Warmest Regards,
Danito McLachenstein
CEO Freedom Alley Studios
posted by Ion Farmer at 10:26
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