Ion Farmer VS Nigeria
I recieved an email over the weekend and I could repress my desire to screw around with this guy. The e-mail is as follows:
Royal House Chambers
Solicitors & Advocates
Block 2, Flat 5, Rue du Boulevard,
PB 491,Lome-Togo,
West-Africa.
Dear McLachenstein,
I am Barrister Charles Ottis, a legal practitioner, I am the personal attorney to Mr.J.McLachenstein, a national Of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. He used to be my client my client.
On the 11th of June 2001, my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$7.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited. The said Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over two years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.
Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer.I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Best Regards,
Charles Ottis Esq.
Lome Togo.
This sounded too good to be true, but having the nature of a venture capitalist I had to reply:
Dear CHARLES OTTIS,
Thank you VERY much for your email. This sounds like an incredible investment opportunity! However, I must ask you to please reassure me this is not a scam. Recently I received an e-mail (electronic message) from somebody claiming to be the King of Assylvania, which he said was a small island off the coast of Port Togaf. He said that, due to economic problems in his country, he needed to deposit approximately $190 million in my checking account so it wouldn't be seized by the coup about to take place and topple his government and church / missile silo. I promptly sent him my checking information and a downpayment to help with the transfer of the money, and he replied shortly after, claiming he needed more money to prepare the money and send it over. I sent a few more checks and waited for a reply, but then my email client crashed and I was never able to get in contact with him. All in all, I lost about $4,000 through him, but I at least sleep better at nights knowing that I helped King Jephque escape the economic hardships that Assylvania was experiencing during The Irritable Mango Wars of 2002. I'm still waiting for him to contact me again, and I assume it's only a matter of time.
I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar problem, but I am more than willing to help. Since you are CHARLES OTTIS, a barrister associated with the Shell Development Company, in Lome Togo, I assume you know your financial ins and outs, and I trust your judgment. Plus the idea of a big fat check for $48 million just sounds fabulous! I can't believe I was lucky enough to be chosen for this deal! Praise Allah you contacted me!
Please inform me as to what I need to do next to claim this impressive amount of money. I can fly down to Lome Togo, if you wish, as my parents own a small airline chartering service which has provided transport for such famous celebrities as Rutger Hauer, Paul Williams, Charles Nelson Riley, and the guy who played Hannibal's stunt double on "The A-Team." I have no problem lending you the money needed to help you out and make the big bucks for this. Ever since I refused to buy stock in EMC when it was at 80, my parents have been mocking me for my poor business sense. After I get that check for $52 million in my account, we'll see who's laughing then! It will be me! Laughing at them! Because I'll have enough money to kill them off like nine times each.
As I mentioned above, please write back as soon as you can and let me know what I need to do to claim this $58 million reward. You seem like a very honest and trustworthy guy like my partner Sam Jain, so I'm open for any suggestions you may have. Please respond quickly, as I can't wait to get the ball rolling! And oh god how I love balls!
Good luck, and may the God Beearthur shine upon you, my dear friend,
- Danito McLachenstein
CEO of Freedom Alley Studios
It was only 24 hours later that I recieved my a response, and I knew I had something solid in the works:
Dear Danito McLachenstein,
Thanks for your mail and readiness to assist me in this transaction, like i told you ealier,this transaction is real,legitmate and legal.100% risk free, all you need to do, is to follow my instruction.
I am happy that you are ready to come here, as we proceed we shall arrange for your arrival here in lome Togo to see things for yourself.
Once more, i assure you that this is not a SCAM. you are not going to brige any law,niether for your country or mine,this transaction will be under legitmate ground and nothing will be of a lost to you.
Although your past experence,am sorry for what ever you went through.
Do not forget, i dont have a similar problem with your last contact.i am a lawyer here in lome Togo and my client the owner of the funds died in a motor accident,and now you have the same last name with him,that is why i want us to work as a partner to see that the funds is repaturate to you in your country as the next of kin, then later we share the proceeds.
I will like you to forward the following datas to me,as we proceed.
1.Your full name
2.Your contact and mailing address
3.Your private telephone and fax number
4.Your age
5.Your statue
6.Your proffesion
7.Scan copy of your international passport or driver's license
As soon as i have this data, i will proceed to send to you the next line of action, pls inidcate if you will like us to meet before the commenement of this transaction, or at the transfering point of this transaction?
I will like you to call me on my private telephone as soon as you get this mail.
+2289294354
Regards
Ottis. Charles ESQ
This is GREAT!! I fired off a witty repartee this morning:
Dear Mr. Esquire Ottis. Charles
Thank you very much for your prompt reply. I did not know you were an Esquire! This just reaffirms my belief that you are a fine upstanding citizen whom I can trust implicitly, just like my brother Thomas who is an Esquire. He recently won over $500,000 at the racetrack after betting on the horse "Mama's Leaky Cyst", and if Thomas can make this kind of money by being an Esquire who specializes in footbone replacement radar technologies, I know I can trust you to do the same!
You mentioned "you are not going to brige any law" and I cannot agree with you more. I feel invisible hands all over me right now, Esquire Ottis. Charles, and they're pushing me to help you out. If I didn't feel like I had Jesus in the brain right now, I might be more cautious, but I feel you are a trustworthy individual whom I can try to help out for this experience of a lifetime.
I understand that the transfer of all that money will cost a piggy penny, as I've seen how they transport money to the Nike Shoe Deposit at the outlet mall where I live on the I-95, and I bet it costs money to operate those armored trucks and pay the guys who drive them and carry the large bags of money. I also know how much lawyers cost, because when I fell out of the tree at Fenway Park I needed to get a lawyer and settle out of court with the bird trainer who was clearly at fault. I know how expensive these things are, so just tell me what amount of money I need to send and I'll start withdrawing it from my "Rainy Day Christmas" fund so we can get the proverbial "ball" rolling, Esquire Ottis. Oh sweet Christ, let's get balls rolling.
Thank you very much for offering me the coordinates all through to your house, but that won't be necessary. My parents airline chartering service isn't working this week, so I can't come visit you until either next week or later, depending on if I can find somebody to look over my emu farm. It's hard to find good animal workers where I live, so it might take me some time to physically meet up with you. In the meantime, could you please send me a preliminary estimation of how much money you'll need to get this plan started? As I said before, I've got more than enough "mad money" saved up from the time I sold all those Harry Potter snuff porn books on eBay.
I feel more than ever that the invisible hands of providence in my affairs are gently gliding me to do business with you and your glory hole. Please write back at once and let me know what to do next.
Thank you kindly,
- Danito McLachenstein
CEO of Freedom Alley Studios
What will my fortunes hold? How can I not afford to find out? Hopefully, there will be more financial shenanigans this week!
Royal House Chambers
Solicitors & Advocates
Block 2, Flat 5, Rue du Boulevard,
PB 491,Lome-Togo,
West-Africa.
Dear McLachenstein,
I am Barrister Charles Ottis, a legal practitioner, I am the personal attorney to Mr.J.McLachenstein, a national Of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. He used to be my client my client.
On the 11th of June 2001, my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$7.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited. The said Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days.
Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over two years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.
Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer.I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Best Regards,
Charles Ottis Esq.
Lome Togo.
This sounded too good to be true, but having the nature of a venture capitalist I had to reply:
Dear CHARLES OTTIS,
Thank you VERY much for your email. This sounds like an incredible investment opportunity! However, I must ask you to please reassure me this is not a scam. Recently I received an e-mail (electronic message) from somebody claiming to be the King of Assylvania, which he said was a small island off the coast of Port Togaf. He said that, due to economic problems in his country, he needed to deposit approximately $190 million in my checking account so it wouldn't be seized by the coup about to take place and topple his government and church / missile silo. I promptly sent him my checking information and a downpayment to help with the transfer of the money, and he replied shortly after, claiming he needed more money to prepare the money and send it over. I sent a few more checks and waited for a reply, but then my email client crashed and I was never able to get in contact with him. All in all, I lost about $4,000 through him, but I at least sleep better at nights knowing that I helped King Jephque escape the economic hardships that Assylvania was experiencing during The Irritable Mango Wars of 2002. I'm still waiting for him to contact me again, and I assume it's only a matter of time.
I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar problem, but I am more than willing to help. Since you are CHARLES OTTIS, a barrister associated with the Shell Development Company, in Lome Togo, I assume you know your financial ins and outs, and I trust your judgment. Plus the idea of a big fat check for $48 million just sounds fabulous! I can't believe I was lucky enough to be chosen for this deal! Praise Allah you contacted me!
Please inform me as to what I need to do next to claim this impressive amount of money. I can fly down to Lome Togo, if you wish, as my parents own a small airline chartering service which has provided transport for such famous celebrities as Rutger Hauer, Paul Williams, Charles Nelson Riley, and the guy who played Hannibal's stunt double on "The A-Team." I have no problem lending you the money needed to help you out and make the big bucks for this. Ever since I refused to buy stock in EMC when it was at 80, my parents have been mocking me for my poor business sense. After I get that check for $52 million in my account, we'll see who's laughing then! It will be me! Laughing at them! Because I'll have enough money to kill them off like nine times each.
As I mentioned above, please write back as soon as you can and let me know what I need to do to claim this $58 million reward. You seem like a very honest and trustworthy guy like my partner Sam Jain, so I'm open for any suggestions you may have. Please respond quickly, as I can't wait to get the ball rolling! And oh god how I love balls!
Good luck, and may the God Beearthur shine upon you, my dear friend,
- Danito McLachenstein
CEO of Freedom Alley Studios
It was only 24 hours later that I recieved my a response, and I knew I had something solid in the works:
Dear Danito McLachenstein,
Thanks for your mail and readiness to assist me in this transaction, like i told you ealier,this transaction is real,legitmate and legal.100% risk free, all you need to do, is to follow my instruction.
I am happy that you are ready to come here, as we proceed we shall arrange for your arrival here in lome Togo to see things for yourself.
Once more, i assure you that this is not a SCAM. you are not going to brige any law,niether for your country or mine,this transaction will be under legitmate ground and nothing will be of a lost to you.
Although your past experence,am sorry for what ever you went through.
Do not forget, i dont have a similar problem with your last contact.i am a lawyer here in lome Togo and my client the owner of the funds died in a motor accident,and now you have the same last name with him,that is why i want us to work as a partner to see that the funds is repaturate to you in your country as the next of kin, then later we share the proceeds.
I will like you to forward the following datas to me,as we proceed.
1.Your full name
2.Your contact and mailing address
3.Your private telephone and fax number
4.Your age
5.Your statue
6.Your proffesion
7.Scan copy of your international passport or driver's license
As soon as i have this data, i will proceed to send to you the next line of action, pls inidcate if you will like us to meet before the commenement of this transaction, or at the transfering point of this transaction?
I will like you to call me on my private telephone as soon as you get this mail.
+2289294354
Regards
Ottis. Charles ESQ
This is GREAT!! I fired off a witty repartee this morning:
Dear Mr. Esquire Ottis. Charles
Thank you very much for your prompt reply. I did not know you were an Esquire! This just reaffirms my belief that you are a fine upstanding citizen whom I can trust implicitly, just like my brother Thomas who is an Esquire. He recently won over $500,000 at the racetrack after betting on the horse "Mama's Leaky Cyst", and if Thomas can make this kind of money by being an Esquire who specializes in footbone replacement radar technologies, I know I can trust you to do the same!
You mentioned "you are not going to brige any law" and I cannot agree with you more. I feel invisible hands all over me right now, Esquire Ottis. Charles, and they're pushing me to help you out. If I didn't feel like I had Jesus in the brain right now, I might be more cautious, but I feel you are a trustworthy individual whom I can try to help out for this experience of a lifetime.
I understand that the transfer of all that money will cost a piggy penny, as I've seen how they transport money to the Nike Shoe Deposit at the outlet mall where I live on the I-95, and I bet it costs money to operate those armored trucks and pay the guys who drive them and carry the large bags of money. I also know how much lawyers cost, because when I fell out of the tree at Fenway Park I needed to get a lawyer and settle out of court with the bird trainer who was clearly at fault. I know how expensive these things are, so just tell me what amount of money I need to send and I'll start withdrawing it from my "Rainy Day Christmas" fund so we can get the proverbial "ball" rolling, Esquire Ottis. Oh sweet Christ, let's get balls rolling.
Thank you very much for offering me the coordinates all through to your house, but that won't be necessary. My parents airline chartering service isn't working this week, so I can't come visit you until either next week or later, depending on if I can find somebody to look over my emu farm. It's hard to find good animal workers where I live, so it might take me some time to physically meet up with you. In the meantime, could you please send me a preliminary estimation of how much money you'll need to get this plan started? As I said before, I've got more than enough "mad money" saved up from the time I sold all those Harry Potter snuff porn books on eBay.
I feel more than ever that the invisible hands of providence in my affairs are gently gliding me to do business with you and your glory hole. Please write back at once and let me know what to do next.
Thank you kindly,
- Danito McLachenstein
CEO of Freedom Alley Studios
What will my fortunes hold? How can I not afford to find out? Hopefully, there will be more financial shenanigans this week!
posted by Ion Farmer at 10:13
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