28.9.05

Ion Farmer VS The Greed of Ottis Charles Esq.

Well, it looks like maybe I have gone too far with Barrister Charles Esquire. I have not received an reply from him and that bothers me. Mostly because not only have I lost a financial opportunity, I dare day that I have also lost a damn good attorney. I was hoping that he could represent me in a important case I have coming up concerning how fast the State of Massachusetts thinks I should drive a vehicle, and how fast I think I should drive a vehicle. In an attempt to spend more quality time together, I proposed a counter offer to Barrister Ottis Esquire today. I'm hoping that he can see the wisdom in the decision before him.

My Dear Charles Ottis Esquire,

I have important news for you, my level headed friend!

Monday, I had become aware of a cable that was sent to me: A diamond mine has been discovered in the American West! The cable came from a reliable source - William Ralston, owner of the bank of California. At first I was skeptical, and I showed the cable to a fellow financial guru, Ellington "Rad Boy" Rothschild (who for some reason hasn't been able to have the members of our social club update his nickname since the 80's), and said that this must be a joke. Rad Boy said, "Don't be too sure about that. America is a very large country. It has furnished the world with many surprises already. Perhaps it has others in store." Upon hearing that, I immediately booked passage to San Francisco.

I arrived early yesterday morning, and let me tell you, there is an excitement in the air here that hasn't been felt since the Gold Rush days of the late 1840's. Mr. Ralston showed me a video of two fairly crusty prospectors named Phillip Arnold and John Slack. They are the ones who found the diamond mine at a location in Wyoming, which they will not disclose. They had blind-folded a highly respected mining expert, and drove a circular route for several hours to take him to the mine. Fortunately, there was no video of this surely monotonous footage! What the video did show was this expert watching as the miners dug up the diamonds, the expert taking the gems to various jewelers in San Francisco, one of whom had estimated their worth at US$15,000,000.

Mr. Ralston and I asked Arnold and Slack to accompany Us back to New York, where the jeweler, Charles Tiffany III will verify the original estimates. The prospectors were uneasy about this and have brought up good points: How can they trust us? What is Tiffany and the fellow financiers steal the whole mine from under them? So Ralston made a proposal, He would give them US$1,000,000 now and put another US$3,000,000 in an escrow account. If the deal went through they would be paid an additional US$3,000,000. The miners agreed.

This morning in New York, we held a meeting at the mansion of Samuel L. Barlow. In attendance were General George Brinton McClellan, General Benjamin Butler, the editor of one of the New York papers, Horace Greeley, Mr. Ralston, Mr. Tiffany III, and myself. Slack and Arnold were not in attendance, as tourists in New York, they decided to go sight-seeing.

Tiffany III announced that the gems were real and worth a fortune, and let me tell you, myself and the other financiers almost pooped, just a little bit. I e-mailed (electronic message) Rad Boy and let him know the good news and to see if he wanted in on the investment. But now I have second thoughts.

Here is my proposal: You have access to US$7,500,000. I have a US bank account. Do you think that there is a way that we could broker a deal to buy out the prospectors at US$7,500,000 which is just a hair more that the money that they have waiting in escrow? Tiffany is sending his own mining experts and their team out to the site in Wyoming to verify its authenticity, and we should have word within a short time as to the legitimacy of this site. If we could act quickly, we could steal the deal and reap an investment many, many times more than the comparably small investment.

Please let me know your thought concerning this manner, in as timely a manner as possible.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre,


Danito McLachenstein
CEO Freedom Alley Studios


Yeah, I know that everyone in this letter, except myself, has been dead for almost a century, but I'm hoping that Tome, Logo, West Africa doesn't have a curriculum that is heavy on American History Studies.

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